The wif and I took a two day trip up to beautiful Clayton, GA to chill out with the mighty E-Dawg and hike around his current stomping grounds. Iggety-Wiggety Eric works for the Chattooga Conservancy, and makes for the perfect guide to the area. The positive is that he gets to hike around exploring the wilderness. The negative is that often he’s hiking land because it’s been slated for potential destruction by the The Man.
But enough of my whiny liberal rhetoric. I did not take the following pictures. At the helm was the Amazing Amander, who actually knows what she’s doing with a camera. Me, I’m the king of point and shoot. Or, maybe just shoot.

Everything’s a little bit hazy in the ‘cafe’ (read: Waffle House wannabe) in Clayton. This place was filled with lillywhite retirees and snowbirds. Seems Clayton is rapidly becoming yet another northern retirement capitol. Such folk enjoy golfing, cribbage and bingo to hiking and nature. That’s just ass. Why can’t they be content with places like Florida? After all, it’s already been ruined for their pleasure.
But hey, as you can see from the right of the pic, we ran into Brad Pitt!
Not really. That’s just E-Rawk, contemplating what drives men to drink engine cleaner, and why they think calling it ‘moonshine’ makes it somehow acceptable.

Here’s some Mountain Laurel ‘Mander snapped a real fine shot of. Pretty stuff, and in some areas the fallen flowers litter the ground like snow. Very delicate, intricate designs. Likely unreliable to burn for fuel, so ultimately useless eye candy that must be destroyed. Werd!

Mountain Man E-Orr led us through some amazing old growth forest to this waterfall. I’d estimate it to be… ummm, maybe 4 to 6 stories tall? Stupid how I gravitate towards describing natural structures with manmade comparisons. Still, them shits was tall, and incredibly peaceful. It was nice to take it all in without having to endure fatasses in fanny packs or see Funyuns bags floating around. Just a little bit of heaven, tucked away in an ancient forest the power company wants to clear cut a swath through to run powerlines so’s they can resell electricity. Bee-hotches. There’s a special place in Hell for such folks, where their colons are rented out to fire ants as tenements. “Hey man, it’s just the machinations of a cap’tlist society.”
That’s how it’d be if I ran Hell, anyway.

Seein’ as who’s bitch I am these days, I’m getting my colon ready.

Another shot of the falls, showing more of the lower portion.

An awesome shot of water cascading down the rocks.

This is sort of an overhangy-cavey inlet offset to the right of the falls. Inside were some fire rings, fire scars on the ‘roof’, and probably a host of arachnids just a-waiting to raise up and get their attack on.

Me hangin’ out on the other side of the cave. No, I’m not wearing 80’s stirrup pants. That’s my jacket, tied around my waist. And no, that’s not a bright red codpiece I’m sporting. It’s the mighty Sophinators retractable leash gizmo, cleverly positioned to block the view of my crotchal regions. Stop looking at me and check out the cave, wouldja?

Tipi Eric, Sophistra, Erninator The Graceful and I scoping out the other side of the outcropping. You can’t see it in the pic, but there’s water spilling off of the upper lip of the cave; more runoff from whatever is feeding the fall.

Depending upon your monitor settings this picture is going to be pretty dark. It’s what an old-growth forest looks like ’round these parts, and a great visual example of why these areas are considered temperate rainforests. That’s more runoff water falling in the center of the pic.

Some crazy fungus we stumbled across while exploring an area that’s currently up for sale. I think this dude alone makes for a worthwhile purchase. It reminds me of living coral. I tried to get Tipi Eric to eat a bit of it, but he’s too wily for me.

This is the yert that Eric’s boss (and friend) Buzz lives in with his wife and daughter. They live completely off-grid, with no electricity or provided running water. That’s a lotta hard work, and I admire their resolve. I’d do it too, if I could figure out how to run high speed access to my yert.

Inside the yert. Ernie the wookie/mule half breed looks in inquisitively. Likely he wants to be unleashed so he can run down to the nearby pasture to attempt to copulate with the horses.
Dirty Ernie.

Need a shower? Here ya go! This is solar powered (those are panels with black piping shown behind the tank structure), and E-Orr tells me the water gets so hot you often have to wait til late evening to hose off, lest you singe your naughty bits. Ingenious design; the very heat of the water forces it through the tube-age and out the showerhead to deliver second degree burns to the unsuspecting showeree. I’m guessing modesty is an uncommon trait amongst the denizens here. I’da prolly had the curtain designed and assembled well before the shower. But then, I’d hate frightening all the wildlife with my pasty nekkid visage. That’d easily be construed as animal cruelty, perhaps even of the most cruel and unusual sort.

>We had a great time hiking around, seeing the sights, and meeting genuinely cool peeps like Buzz, Nicole and guaranteed-to-one-day-slay-many-a-man Jasmine. I only wish we could have stayed longer, but we’ll be back. Lock up yer daughters!

Now that didn’t make no damn sense…